Silhouette solutions

This week, we’re going to focus on silhouettes. I can’t talk about silhouettes without also talking about body types as they go hand and hand in many cases, however the main focus of the next few blog posts will keep silhouettes as the primary focus.

There are a vast number of ways dresses and abayas are cut, shaped and draped but some of the most popular ones are: A-line, empire, mermaid, sheath, and ballgown.

https://accent.sg/blogs/editorial/dress-silhouettes-for-different-body-types

Contrary to the popular societal standard, the goal is not to accentuate

Khadeejah Abdushakur

Sometimes, many times, while we are navigating the journey of covering more, or dressing in way we believe to be more religiously acceptable, we make a b-line for two things: abayas, or maxi dresses, if we don’t want to plunge headfirst into abayaland. Let me stop here for a second and say that regardless of how something fits, if it’s a step up, it’s a step up, alhamdulillah masha allah. We aren’t in the shame game over here. If you’ve made the transition from showing skin to a body-hugging maxi dress that shows no skin, ALHAMDULILLAH. Our journeys are so individualized to us, and it’s very hard to grow in the publicity of the social media spaces without judgement and critique. This is a shame free safe zone over here. We are here to learn and grow. And because this is a lifelong journey, know that we will slip and fall, stop, go backwards, you are human. We are human. Perfection is not the goal. Effort is. Intention is.

Contrary to the popular societal standard, the goal is not to accentuate our “best” assets with our clothing, which makes it VERY difficult to buy clothing from mainstream brands or Muslim brands who adhere to the mainstream standard. But it’s not impossible and there is hope, and I am here to help. In the image above I’m wearing a sleeveless, straight maxi dress from Boohoo with an open front butterfly abaya from The Abaya Company London. I took these photo’s in the house but if I want go out comfortably in this fit, I’d fasten the abaya closed with a clip because while the dress is not extremely fitted, it’s giving more than it needs to give.

Layers on layers

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but while it wont always be required, get comfortable with layering, it’s going to be your best friend while figuring out which silhouettes work best for your body to give you the coverage that you’re looking for. Depending on how a dress, or shirt for that matter is shaped, you may not need any layers to be fully covered, without your shape showing. I’ll share some of my favorite styles that don’t require layering later, insha allah. Layering allows you to wear the dress you love without compromise or looking sloppy because you sized way up hoping for a looser fit.

Did I mention that the mainstream “style for your body” guidelines will be of little to no hope for the modest aspiring gal because they focus accentuating body parts, making something look fuller, while making other parts appear slimmer. How do they phrase it? “to balance out the body” i.e, make everyone look like an hourglass because that is of course the only desirable body type (that last part is sarcasm btw).

Stick with me, i’ll show you a thing or two.

Until next post,

Love ya!

How to Cover in a Sustainable Way this Ramadhan

Peace and Blessings Beloveds,

Ramadhan Mubaarak!

I know many Muslims take a hiatus from social media during Ramadhan, to focus on their spiritual growth but this year, I’ve felt called to contribute something to the social media space, specifically during Ramadhan.  As the title above states, How to Cover in a Sustainable Way this Ramadhan. Now, sustainable here is not referring to eco-friendly fashion, baby steps. When I talk about dressing modestly in a sustainable way I mean, being able to style yourself in a way that you can maintain without feeling burnt out, stuck, uninspired and returning to “easier”, less modest options.  Ramadhan is just the starting point, but it is my hope that we can build on the momentum created in this month.

Sadly, little grace and understanding is offered to Muslim women as they begin to navigate their modesty journey. Not everyone was swathed in fabric from head-to-toe fabric since infancy… probably black, brown or grey, and if you’re a little spicy, navy blue. Dressing modestly does not come easily to most, especially in societies that cater to the male gaze i.e the world. I have to stop and credit my mother, who is a little rebellious and undoubtedly put her foot and made sure there was some kind of balance to mine and my sisters fashion styling. I can’t recall a time when I didn’t wear hijab, the colloquial term for the Muslim woman head covering by the global Muslim majority.  

Whether you were born Muslim, converted, Muslim curious, trying to release yourself of the chokehold of bodycon dresses, wherever you are if you have a genuine desire to cover more, this just might be the space for you.  Welcome.

I’ve spent YEARS curating my personal style, battling with what some might call body dysmorphia, and trying to dress myself in a way that feels good, is authentic to me and in accordance to my understanding of what is required islamically. It has not been and easy so journey, as you’ll come to find out, but I cant wait to share what I’ve learned, and continue to learn on this life long journey of fashion, body acceptance and Muslim womanhood. So glad you’re here. See you soon.

I guess i have some explaining to do..

So here I am, sitting here on a random Tuesday thinking about the blog that could have been. Then I thought, what if it still could be. Those of you who don’t follow me on Instagram @ feistea.kat, then you might be wondering where I’ve been all these years. Who am I kidding? You’ve forgotten all about me. If we’re being honest, I’ve forgotten a little about me to.

So here’s a quick and dirty run of the last few years.

So yeah, we have a lot of catching up to do. I hope you’ll forgive me for my absence. My theme for this year is reclamation so here I am reclaiming something meaningful.

Sit down and strap in. It’s going to be a wild ride!

Love Ya!

Khadeejah

Vending table for Kovered in Joy!
koveredinjoy.com muslimah mugs, hijabi mugs

2018, I’m Coming For You

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Hello Sweeties! It’s been ages! I don’t think I’ve posted anything since last summer. It’s safe to say, I’ve become quite the ghost on the social media scene but I’m slowly sliding back out of the woodwork and becoming an active participant in my own life. Scratch that, I’m becoming a leader in my own life.

The first week of the year was a bust but I’ve committed myself to getting my act together, pushing my fears aside and doing the dang thing. I’ve spent the last week sketching and designing, trying to develop a brand identity for myself. Three years studying Graphic Design is paying off. I was up till after midnight last night tweaking designing and finally got something I’m satisfied with; don’t worry, I know I’m being insanely vague but yall will see soon Insha allah (God willing).

My plan was to do some more designing all day today, unfortunately, that wasn’t possible so instead, I got dressed and vlogged a little shopping to buy some filming and organizational equipment on a budget. I went to Dollar Tree and Burlington. Bought a desk calendar, some pens and pencils, a not pad and a vent and window phone mount for my car. The vent mount is going back because the window mount is a far better option. I need the mount because I’ll likely(sadly) be filming a lot from my car because currently it’s the only private place I have. I know it’s not ideal but if I were to wait until I am able to get my own place again, it would be ages until I could anything started and the time is now. No more excuses.

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Anyway, back to my shopping trip, I wanted to buy another selfie-stick but there was this guy standing next to them the ENTIRE time I was in Dollar Tree. I circled back a few timed hoping he had moved. He didn’t. Now, now, I’m not scared of any man, buut, when I was near him the first time getting my vent mount, he said “I like your make-up” and that was it for me. Compliments in general make me uncomfortable, compliments from guys gross me out. I don’t like imagining random guys find me attractive. I know, I’m weird.

I never got to finish filming my day because my phone ever so politely informed me that it was “dangerously low on space’. Son of a biscuit. Oh well. Next thing I need to invest in is a memory card…. and probably a camcorder instead of using my phone for everything. However, the last thing I need is more stuff. My car is already full enough.. Gosh I need to get my own place again. Pray for me ya’ll.

One last thing! If you haven’t already, check out my spoken word post on youtube!

Is My Black Really Beautiful

Just putting it out there, Asian men, #indian, #Pakistani and #Bengali men make me feel so ugly because I’m a #blackwoman. And I’m talking, next level, Smeagol, the Gollum from Lord of The Rings, type ugly. They make me feel like I am less than, beneath them; like I’m a mangy stray dog they found in the woods that they play with, have a great time, become great friends with but at the end of the day, leave in the woods because dogs aren’t allowed in the house.

Perhaps this may sound harsh, but it’s not meant to be harsh or offensive and I’m not backbitting simply by stating how I FEEL. And no one can deny, or bring up a defense to how I, or anyone else feels about something, so please, don’t try.

I’ve seen some of my fellow #BMW (black muslim women) speak out on this and have seen them verbally attacked and torn apart for voicing their experiences and feelings. You cannot invalidate someone’s truth just because it makes you uncomfortable.

And one of my truths is, as stated above, is that Asian men make me feel #ugly. They make my skin, hair, features, background, ancestors all feel ugly and unacceptable. And before you ask why I singled out Asian men, it’s because that’s where my experience lies. In my very limited experience with, say, #Arab men, they either deny my existence all together or I’m the dog they adore and want to take home but their mamas are allergic.

But here’s the thing, you dont need my experience, ask just about any BMW of a certain age. They nearly all have a story to tell. Let’s face it, black people, black women have been seen as the lowest of low globally since, well, practically forever. And if you don’t believe that, educate yourself.

And I’m not the kind of person who ever cared about or focused on #race, but when you’re constantly rejected because of it, your perspective starts to shift.

You have to start actively trying to accept and love yourself not just as a woman, but as a black woman. Honestly, growing up I never cared one way or the other about my race, it was just part of who I was, like being female or short. I look very, what one would call “ethnically black” and never did I see it as a problem. But as I got older and more exposed to the world and saw and experienced how much negativity is associated to that one aspect of me. I started to understand why women would repeat #MyBlackIsBeautiful, creating a positive association with our race and features to combat the hate we get from all sides. And when I say all sides, I mean all sides. Many of our own men find us distasteful and, wait for it, some of our very own black women think we should try to be “less black”, whatever the heck that means. 😐

In #Islam, racism, colorism, culturalism are all explicitly forbidden, but I suppose people will be people, Muslim or not😕. And for those with blinders on and are in denial that racism is alive and kicking within the Muslim community, it’s story time!

I’ve been on a Muslim marriage website for a couple years now, not and active or paying member but I wanted to get an idea of what’s out there. Well, let me just tell you, those websites, no matter how much they claim they are for practising Muslims are not really made for black #muslimahs. Now my profile clearly states that I’m black. But it’s as if guys are like “she sounds incredible.. but… dang, she why gotta be black though.. maybe she doesn’t look black 🤔 *requests photo*”. 99% Of the asian guys disappear as soon as they see me. (About 85% of the Arab guys disappear). Just the other day a guy messaged me, we coincidentally went to the same university. He was all gungho about getting to know me, said he uploaded some photos and hoped we could do a photo exchange. My… slightly irritated and possibly uncalled for response, “I’m so done with all the racism on this website. I’m a black woman, as my profile clearly states. If that’s a problem for you, stop right now.” He stopped. Oh I have sooo many other stories. A little tip, if a guy’s profile says he’s open to all ethnicities…. don’t believe it.. or maybe it’s not because I’m black at all, maybe I’m just #fugly😂💁

I’m Just a Small Town Girl

I need to talk about my little #adventure yesterday. I really wanted to see the city to explore and see if I’d feel comfortable #downtown. I’m from #smallville #ohio, also known a Xenia, OH. I’m the smallest of small town girls. I’m the girl next door. Up until recently I was extremely shy. So when I say I wasn’t ready for my encounters yesterday…Lord! ….. I WAS NOT READY. I have never ever ever saw myself as even remotely attractive, cute, pretty or anything of the sort. Don’t get me wrong, i love me some me, but like I said, I’m just the girl next door type.. So when I started to get hit on and leered at to the point that I wanted to jump into the river it was all new. And a little uncomfortable. Being looked at the way I look at mac and cheese is, well, #gross. Especially being a #muslimah and someone who #covers. Im used to creeps sliding in my inbox, but that.. y’all 😣😣😣😣 #ICantEven.

All Aglow in Hues of Gray

Hey Sweeties! Happy Saturday!

This is actually an outfit from last week. I had to run a few errands so literally throw something on, lol. I really don’t have many clothes since I moved to Michigan so I have to be creative with what I have. Literally all the pieces I have on are extremely old. The skirt is actually too big because I bought it when I was much heavier(proof I just how very old it is). I’d go thrift shopping but I don’t even have the funds for that yet! But soon in sha allah. 20170513_125516-01

Since I had the cardigan belted to keep it closed as I only had a very fitted  camisole underneath, I put a vest on over it before I left my apartment for the sake of modesty.

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One Dress, Three Ways

Hello Sweeties! Happy Saturday

Well, after finally figuring out how to separate my blog posts so that my style posts don’t get mixed up with my everyday, we can finally get this started. 🙂

When I’m not working, it’s pretty much all dresses and skirts for me. Though I don’t consider myself girly, I’m extremely, unapologetically “feminine” (whatever that means). I honestly feel like there is nothing I can’t do in a dress. I’ve worked out in them, rode bikes in them, planted gardens in them. I’m unstoppable in dress! Now, I’m not anti-pants or anything like that and I do wear them on occassion(like to work). But I honestly, I barely own any. Seriously, aside from work pants, I have… two pair… no lie. Pants really don’t represent my style and well, I’m short and finding pants (not jeans, hate jeans) in my lenght is darn near impossible.

Anyhoo.

My outfit of.. Wednesday. The main piece was the black floral polkadotted dress.

20170510_122210-01 For the first look, I the dress with a coral toned cardigan, the belt that came woth the dress, a bright yellow scarf/hijab, and open toed heels. If you’re feeling especially colorful.

 

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For the second, more toned down look, I switched to a pair fow white slip on sneakers, threw on a soft black jacket and a black scarf/hijab for a girly, edgy vibe.

 

For the last look, I dropped the sneakers and replaced them with black, knee high boots. I added a long sleeve black t-shirt, lost the belt for added modesty and threw on that vibrant orange print scarf because I was feeling daring and wanted to mix patterns. I also threw on the black, elbow length gloves because the sleeves to the t-shirt didn’t quite reach my wrists and added some colorful bangles for fun.

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Untie the knot in my tongue, so they may understand my speech..

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, I mean, a whole lot; thinking about who I am and how I got to be this way. I think of my childhood, my upbringing. My parents. I’m a pretty open person except when it comes to my parents, mostly because, despite everything, I don’t want to disrespect them. For years I’ve played with the idea of writing a memoir, but it wouldn’t be real, it wouldn’t be accurate and raw, unless I spoke my whole truth. And that included opening up about my parents. So I always decided against it. My mother would never forgive me if people knew of the skeletons in our family closet; that the picture wasn’t/isn’t quite as pretty as it seems.

Blogging here and there about certain things seems safe enough.

Today I’m going to talk about yet another thing I don’t like discuss. My difficulty with speaking. Let me must tell you, having people constantly saying, “huh?” “What?” “I don’t understand you.” is not fun. It’s pretty awful actually. When I was really young, I didnt really notice it, spent pretty much the entire first twelve years of my life only around my immediate family members. And as a result, I didn’t much have a sense of self, no real sense of autonomy. I wasn’t much aware of myself as an individual, which included the way I looked and the way I spoke. At least not when around my siblings, who were almost exclusively to whome I spoke. And around everyone else, I was shy, painfully shy.

I wish I’d gotten a speech therapist as a child. But I guess mother saying, “Quit mubbling!” Was all the therapy she thought I needed.

Oh, let me back up for a second for those who don’t actually know my life! I was homeschooled till I was 12. When I was 12, my family moved to Trinidad  (another story for another day) and thats when everything changed. That’s when I started gaining self awareness, and that’s when I noticed I had a problem. At first I thought my shyness and social anxiety played a part. Making it impossibly difficult to get words out. But when I did get them out, it was oftentimes gibberish, or so slurred it was unintelligible. And when classmates and teachers would repeatedly not understand me, I told myself that it was my American accent that they couldn’t understand. But the thing is, I couldn’t understand what was  coming out of my mouth either. I knew what I intended to say, but wouldn’t come out right. There is a term so lovingly referred to as marble mouth, as in, sounding as if you’re speaking with a mouth full of marbles. That’s me!

Whenever I try to slow down and speak more clearly, I stutter. When I record myself on snapchat or instagram, sometimes I have to record myself at least three times until I’m understandable. I know there are a lot of people out there who would say it’s not that bad or that i just talk too fast. But for me, it is that bad. It makes be feel stupid, make me feel like a moron. It’s ironic isn’t it, that I have so much to say but faulter in my speech. . .

La Femme Khadeejah

Ok Sweeties! Today is Wednesday and I’m embarking on something new. Or at least, attempting to. First thing you should know about me is, I abhor fashion. I hate the idea that this or that is what people “should be wearing”. I hate trends, being “in style” etc. Now, I absolutely love clothes as a form of SELF expression. Expressing yourself, your personality, not what people suggest you express.

All that being said, the thing I need to express, to the entire world, every single day I step out of my home is: I am a proud Muslim woman. I’m a covered girl. My dress not only expresses my personality but my religious devotion. Now there are a ton of Hijabi fashionistas or Hijabistas and modest fashion and bloggers are all the rage these days. Muslimah is the new black. And as a firm anti trend follower, while respect what they do, It wasn’t for me and I was not about to be just another hijabi beauty blogger.

BUT

I’ve noticed a newly developed need. The thing about modest fashion, is that the term  modest is open to interpretation and there are varying degrees what is considered modest. But the most popular bloggers and icons in the modest movement don’t dress like me. They don’t cover as much. This is in no way a judgement, it’s an observation. They are out there slaying the game and in many ways are helping the way this country (The US) views Muslim women.

I’m the laid back chick who never has her face beat, eyebrows are never on fleek, I do not now, nor will I ever rock a turban. I don’t expose my neck, any portion of my hair or arms, I avoid tight clothes and I hate pants, lol. But I haven’t seen any one out there that represents girls & women like me. Now I’m not someone who ever needed representation, I never needed to see myself on television, in magazines. But I realize, most people do. Most people crave seeing their likeness in the media for validation. Hence the need I previously mentioned. I have nieces. My baby girls. 8 months to 18 years old. And I’m starting this new “fashion/style” blog for them. For the covered girls.