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Month: February 2017
Trust Your Instincts …That’s Why They’re There
Well… I had my interview at the car rental agency and let me just tell you, it wasn’t what I expected. I go in, the room was filled with a good number of people also waiting to be interviewed. I sign in. I wait. The process was going by pretty quickly because, as I observed, on guy did the preliminary rundown and if that went well, got to go to the second chair, with the bossman. Not a lot if people got to the second chair, and after 3-5 minutes with the first guy, they were sent on their merry way. I got the second chair! But wait! Put down the champagne, it’s not time to celebrate.
As I sat there at the second chair, across from the man who built the business from the ground up, being my charming self, I couldn’t help but feel as if I was in the wrong place. A full time job, pays well, and me most certainly not in the position to be a chooser (as in beggars can’t be choosers ), yet there I sat, as if all the options in the world were available to me. He asked if I thought the job was something I could do. My response: Yeah… I think so.. All my enthusiasm had left me at that point and just couldn’t fake interest any longer. He noticed. He pointed it out. I explained my being an artist, and job satisfaction, blah, blah, blah. He actually did mention needing a graphic artist for some work, however, that would be in addition to the other job responsibilities if I was hired.
Guys, I don’t know. I just couldn’t. I can’t. He said we’ll be in touch. I left feeling as confused as ever. I have no backup plan. I have no nest-egg, no savings. Nada. Once March hits, I’m royally screwed…. And yet, I’m not freaking out. A sane person would be losing their marbles at this point. Which reminds me, my electric bill is due today. Excuse me while I adult.
I never ask for an easy life, just an endless supply of unwavering faith.
– Krazy Aunt Kat
What Things May Come
Well guys, we are nearing the end of February, gorgeous weather we’re having might I add, and I still don’t have a job! If you’re new to my blog, feel free to read through my earlier posts to get the low down on my story 🙂 Of course, not having an income currently is a struggle but thankfully, I received my tax refund earlier this month so I’m okay for now. Sure I’m a tiny bit sad that I couldn’t use the money to glam up my apartment but hey, I’m just grateful I was able to eat, pay my car-note and keep a roof over my head for another month.
It’ll never be all doom and gloom with me, I’ve become a glass half full type of gal. And trust me, it hasn’t been easy to get to this point. Just a few years ago, I was such the Negative Nancy, I even earned the nickname of Pessimistic Pita Bread (don’t ask). One key thing to not is that I was only ever downer on my own life. I was always a big cheerleader for others, just not for myself. I felt like “It’s my life, I can be as negative about it as I want to be.” Please, don’t ever adopt that attitude.
Yesterday, two positive things happened. #1: A local business saw my resume on a state job site and wants me to come in to interview TOMORROW. I have no idea what that position is for, but I know it’s at a car rental company (yes, I did my research. It’s legit). Now I know I’ve said that I don’t want just any job, but I am all about new experiences and learning new skills. Besides, by going back to school, I am working toward my career goal (I’ll discuss that in another post).
#2: I reconnected with my very best friend, and I don’t use the words best and friend willy-nilly… especially not together, so that shows just how special this person is to me. ❤
Speaking of people and the past! I was on my writing Instagram account, as you can tell from my previous posts, I’ve been in the writing mood of late. Anyway, I was scrolling through my list of people I should follow and who do I see? None other than the dummy who missed out on the best thing he’d ever have (I don’t like the term “ex-fiance”, it just doesn’t capture it, lol ). My question is, how? How are we being connected? I made my account long after he and I were done. I don’t have his number, I can’t imagine how he could possibly have mine. We have no mutual connections. So once again, how? I remember about a year or two ago he showed as “people you may know” on Facebook. We were NEVER connected through Facebook. In fact, he didn’t even have a Facebook when we were a thing…. Hmmmm. Anyway, another story for another day.
Dreams do come true… if you’re willing to put in the work
Life can be so difficult and stressful at times. We want things, we don’t get them. We want to give up. I understand so very completely. But I have to keep reminding myself to take a moment, step back, and see how far I’ve come.
There have been so many little things thats I’ve wanted and have gotten! For example: I wanted a cute little two door car. Got that. I wanted either a Volkswagen Beetle or a Chrysler PT Cruiser, got a PT Cruiser (wasn’t worth it!), wanted a red car that was reliable, got that, her name is Lola and she’s sitting outside. And no, it’s not just cars. I went to college and graduated, I’ve worked at a university newspaper, I moved out of state, got an apartment, tried new food, explored new places; all things I really wanted to do and were important to me.
Dreams require action and effort. It’s not enough to just want it. You have to go after it. Put in the work. Whether big or small. It’s going to cost time and money but I promise you, it’s worth it. We’ve all done so much more than we realize. Take a moment to inspire yourself.
You’ve done it. Now keep doing it. Keep moving up! Become the person you want to be.
I’d give my first
Porque ella es mi madre
Porque ella es mi madre
Her joy is my joy
Her sorrow is my sorrow
Her pain is my pain
Porque ella es mi madre
Her, I shall serve dutifully
For my salvation is beneath her feet.
Porque ella es mi madre
Because she is my mother.
I wrote this some years ago…. Gosh, so much has changed since then. So much has changed in our already imperfect relationship…
When She Loves…
She is the girl you didn’t think was good enough for you
Who you thought unworthyOf your full attention
The one who loved you with all that she was and the only thing she wanted in return was for you to love her
She was ready and willing to ride or die with you
Go to the sky with you
Fly with you
The one who prayed for you
Thought she was made for you
Stayed for you
Because no matter how bad you made her feel
She didn’t want to leave you
But you pushed her away, thinking you could do better than her
The one who wasn’t quite beautiful
But had a heart of gold
Who was kind, sweet and funny
She was generous and loving
Remember her and grieve
Feel sadness, shame and loss
Because you will never find a woman who will love you better
– Aunt Kat
Drug Tests and Valentines Day
Just took my first drug test! Aside from the fact that I had to take the test for one of the jobs I applied for Sunday, I’m excited because it was a completely new experience for me and I’m all about embracing new experiences, even if it is just “depositing my specimen” into a cup. Lol. #TMI #SorryNotSorry
Yup, it’s Valentines Day. I don’t celebrate it, and even if I did…..well…. I’m so single that my single is single. And, as someone with very few friends, especially being that I’m still relatively new here, no Galentines festivities for me either.
Honestly, I don’t thing I’m built for relationships. Of any kinds. Whether it be friendship, romantic, marriage etc. I’m so neurotic about my personal space that I can’t even live with anyone, regardless of how much I may like them. That’s another thing; I don’t like others the way normal people do. I so rarely form actual attachments to people, it’s like “I like you while you’re here, wanna leave? There’s the door”. I suppose after years of feelings of rejection and abandonment, you’re bound to come out of it a little bit wonky. A little scarred. A little tattered. A little torn.
I’m okay with my broken bits, but I find it so darn frustrating that no matter how mature I get, no matter how much self-affirmation I do, no matter how mentally and emotionally strong I become, that little girl inside of me will forever feel unloved… unloveable. Don’t get me wrong, I think I have some awesome qualities (though I’ll always be a work in progress), that little girl in me will never truly believe that people actually like her. Never. That being said, I’m not an insecure person and I don’t need validation from anyone. At the end of the day, the only opinion of me that matters is my own. And I think I’m fabulous. Most of the time….Sometimes.
What a Weekend
Happy Monday. Hope you had a wonderful weekend! Mine actually wasn’t half bad 🙂 I spent the whole weekend between Detroit and Cleveland. I won’t lie, I was so thrilled to get back to my apartment last night and just be.
My eldest niece did some modeling for senior’s thesis project at her school so Friday I drove down to see the senior photography exhibit. I had also my other niece I’d her with a flyer design for the fashion club she started (yes, my girls arw going to be something!).
My grandmother’s 91st birthday/birthday party was on Saturday and since I was riding with my sister to Ohio for the party, it made since to just stay with her rather than driving back and forth (50 minute drive), yall know i don’t have money to waste on gas like that. And Sunday I had INTERVIEWS in Detroit as well so, like I said, going back and forth from home to Detroit over one weekend was not happening.
Yes. I did say interviews. Plural, three to be exact. And yes, if I do land one of those jobs, I will have to face the 5o minute long commute. Oh the irony. Lol. I moved to this city to be closer to the job I lost, and now I might land a job right back where I started 😂 Is there another move in my future? Perhaps.
I really got a chance to be an aunt this weekend, from helping my niece with her flyer and taking her to her first job interview, as well as seeing all of my babies at the birthday party. It was great! I feel blessed.
I hope you all have a great week!
Some Days are A Win…
Some days are a win…. and some days, not so much.
Good Evening Sweeties!
I truly hope your days went better than mine… It’s funny how your attitude can have such an impact on things. It’s like, a situation could be exactly the same from one day to the next, yet on day way, you’re feeling confident and positive but on day two, you barely feel like you will make it. You dont want to get out of bed, don’t want to eat (or eat everything in sight), you want to cry, you want to scream and it feels like nothing will ever be ok again. All you want to do is curl up in your ball of misery and stay there forever.
But Darlings, you can’t stay there forever. You have plans. Remember them. You have dreams. Chase them. You have people who love you. Embrace them. Don’t allow yourself to be defeated by your own doubt.
I give you one day. One day to wallow in self pity. That’s it. That’s all you get. That’s all I get. Then we have to get up, dust ourselves off and keep on keeping on.
We got this.