Just took my first drug test! Aside from the fact that I had to take the test for one of the jobs I applied for Sunday, I’m excited because it was a completely new experience for me and I’m all about embracing new experiences, even if it is just “depositing my specimen” into a cup. Lol. #TMI #SorryNotSorry
Yup, it’s Valentines Day. I don’t celebrate it, and even if I did…..well…. I’m so single that my single is single. And, as someone with very few friends, especially being that I’m still relatively new here, no Galentines festivities for me either.
Honestly, I don’t thing I’m built for relationships. Of any kinds. Whether it be friendship, romantic, marriage etc. I’m so neurotic about my personal space that I can’t even live with anyone, regardless of how much I may like them. That’s another thing; I don’t like others the way normal people do. I so rarely form actual attachments to people, it’s like “I like you while you’re here, wanna leave? There’s the door”. I suppose after years of feelings of rejection and abandonment, you’re bound to come out of it a little bit wonky. A little scarred. A little tattered. A little torn.
I’m okay with my broken bits, but I find it so darn frustrating that no matter how mature I get, no matter how much self-affirmation I do, no matter how mentally and emotionally strong I become, that little girl inside of me will forever feel unloved… unloveable. Don’t get me wrong, I think I have some awesome qualities (though I’ll always be a work in progress), that little girl in me will never truly believe that people actually like her. Never. That being said, I’m not an insecure person and I don’t need validation from anyone. At the end of the day, the only opinion of me that matters is my own. And I think I’m fabulous. Most of the time….Sometimes.
Happy Monday. Hope you had a wonderful weekend! Mine actually wasn’t half bad 🙂 I spent the whole weekend between Detroit and Cleveland. I won’t lie, I was so thrilled to get back to my apartment last night and just be.
My eldest niece did some modeling for senior’s thesis project at her school so Friday I drove down to see the senior photography exhibit. I had also my other niece I’d her with a flyer design for the fashion club she started (yes, my girls arw going to be something!).
My grandmother’s 91st birthday/birthday party was on Saturday and since I was riding with my sister to Ohio for the party, it made since to just stay with her rather than driving back and forth (50 minute drive), yall know i don’t have money to waste on gas like that. And Sunday I had INTERVIEWS in Detroit as well so, like I said, going back and forth from home to Detroit over one weekend was not happening.
Yes. I did say interviews. Plural, three to be exact. And yes, if I do land one of those jobs, I will have to face the 5o minute long commute. Oh the irony. Lol. I moved to this city to be closer to the job I lost, and now I might land a job right back where I started 😂 Is there another move in my future? Perhaps.
I really got a chance to be an aunt this weekend, from helping my niece with her flyer and taking her to her first job interview, as well as seeing all of my babies at the birthday party. It was great! I feel blessed.
I hope you all have a great week!
Take yourself off that pedestal sweet one and sit with me for a while
I’m going to say some things to you that most will disagree with
And you can take it or leave it
The choice is yours
But at least take a moment to think about it
Because I’ve been around a long time
And I’ve seen a thing or two
Take yourself off that pedestal
I’m not saying you’re not special
Because you are
You are unique
Delightful and so many other great things by the grace of God
Stop treating yourself like rare treasure
Buried beneath the dark sea
Bound by steal chains
And guarded by sharks
Stop making it such a trial for people to get near you
Stop making it such a feat when someone gets you to open up that chest to see the trinkets that lie within.
Now hear me out
As I said before, you, without a doubt, are special
But when you view yourself as a secret
You’ll feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself with every person you tell yourself to
And you become hurt, sad and angry for “opening up” to someone “undeserving”
You feel like people are stealing pieces of you
Am I wrong??
I say, instead
Be free flowing
Coming and going as you please
Giving people the delight of your existence or the ferocity of it
The more open you are
The less vulnerable you are
Now I’m not saying certain things shouldn’t be kept private, because they should
But you are not something that someone can earn
That’s how powerful you are
You are a force of nature
Be your most authentic self with every single person you meet
Take control by relinquishing control
By letting go of that death grip of who can come in and who can’t
Every single thing that makes you in the moment
Stop nitpicking about what you can and cannot show for fear of being stolen away
You are the a breeze
And I mean no one
Can steal the air.
– Krazy Aunt Kat
You can check out more of my writing on Instagram @kaptures.by.k
Spring semester start in 90 days! ( Yes I’m wearing that hoodie again from the previous university I attended) That’s 90 days to secure a new job….I REALLY hope I get something within the next two weeks. 90 days to decide if I should move closer to the university (Apartments are way cheaper over there). 90 days seems like a long time, but trust me, it’ll be Spring before we know it, and I’ll need to ready. Pray for me ya’ll.
Honestly, I’m seriously excited about going back to school! I love learning, and since I FINALLY have a clear idea of what I want to do, no more feeling lost, no more wasting money… Oh, money.. The route of all evil, Lol. I’ve applied for financial aid, but I don’t want to take out any more student loans. Student loans are the devil -_-. I’m still trying to pay off my previous ones. I gotta say, it’ll be quite an accomplishment to pay my way through school though. I can see me now, working by day, school by night (or vice versa), Hustling hard. Online classes would be ideal, except that getting internet service is out of the question. The last thing I need is another monthly bill. The struggle, as they say, is oh so real. But I got this.
“They plan, and God plans, and God is the Best Of Planners.”
Life is funny sometimes. So even though I have goals, and plans to achieve them, God may have another plan for me, or another route for me to get there. So I’ll keep doing what I have to do and take things as they come. Balance is key. Faith and action.
I had plans to spend my income tax refund to decorate me apartment. Yeah, well, now it looks like I’ll be spending it bills. But I ain’t mad though. I’m just grateful my bills will get paid. Decorating can wait.Or I’ll do it a little at a time. OOOOR, I’ll have a job by the time a get my check! A win, win, win 😀 We shall see shan’t we? A girl can dream right?