When She Loves…

Remember Her?

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Remember her?

She is the girl  you didn’t think was good enough for you
Who you thought unworthyOf your full attention
Remember her?

The one who loved you with all that she was and the only thing she wanted in return was for you to love her

Remember her?

She was ready and willing to ride or die with you
Go to the sky with you
Fly with you
The one who prayed for you
Thought she was made for you
Stayed for you
Because no matter how bad you made her feel
She didn’t want to leave you
But you pushed her away, thinking you could do better than her

Remember her?
Yes her
The one who wasn’t quite beautiful
But had a heart of gold
Who was kind, sweet and funny
She was generous and loving

Remember her!

Remember her and grieve
Feel sadness, shame and loss
Because you will never find a woman who will love you better
– Aunt Kat

Drug Tests and Valentines Day

Hello Sweeties!

Just took my first drug test! Aside from the fact that I had to take the test for one of the jobs I applied for Sunday, I’m excited because it was a completely new experience for me and I’m all about embracing new experiences, even if it is just “depositing my specimen” into a cup. Lol. #TMI #SorryNotSorry

Yup, it’s Valentines Day. I don’t celebrate it, and even if I did…..well…. I’m so single that  my single is single. And, as someone with very few friends, especially being that I’m still relatively new here, no Galentines festivities for me either.

Honestly, I don’t thing I’m built for relationships. Of any kinds. Whether it be friendship, romantic, marriage etc. I’m so neurotic about my personal space that I can’t even live with anyone, regardless of how much I may like them. That’s another thing; I don’t like others the way normal people do. I so rarely form actual attachments to people, it’s like “I like you while you’re here, wanna leave? There’s the door”. I suppose after years of feelings of rejection and abandonment, you’re bound to come out of it a little bit wonky. A little scarred. A little tattered. A little torn.

I’m okay with my broken bits, but I find it so darn frustrating that no matter how mature I get, no matter how much self-affirmation I do, no matter how mentally and emotionally strong I become, that little girl inside of me will forever feel unloved… unloveable. Don’t get me wrong, I think I have some awesome qualities (though I’ll always be a work in progress), that little girl in me will never truly believe that people actually like her. Never. That being said, I’m not an insecure person and I don’t need validation from anyone. At the end of the day, the only opinion of me that matters is my own. And I think I’m fabulous. Most of the time….Sometimes.

Smooches :*

Aunt Kat

 

 

What a Weekend

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Hello Sweeties!

Happy Monday. Hope you had a wonderful weekend! Mine actually wasn’t half bad 🙂 I spent the whole weekend between Detroit and Cleveland. I won’t  lie, I was so thrilled to get back to my apartment last night and just be.

My eldest niece did some modeling for senior’s thesis project at her school so Friday I drove down to see the senior photography exhibit. I had also my other niece I’d her with a flyer design for the fashion club she started (yes, my girls arw going to be something!).

My grandmother’s 91st birthday/birthday party was on Saturday and since I was riding with my sister to Ohio for the party, it made since to just stay with her rather than driving back and forth (50 minute drive), yall know i don’t have money to waste on gas like that. And Sunday I had INTERVIEWS in Detroit as well so, like I said, going back and forth from home to Detroit over one weekend was not happening.

Yes. I did say interviews. Plural, three to be exact. And yes, if I do land one of those jobs, I will have to face the 5o minute long commute. Oh the irony. Lol. I moved to this city to be closer to the job I lost, and now I might land a job right back where I started 😂 Is there another move in my future? Perhaps.

I really got a chance to be an aunt this weekend, from helping my niece with her flyer and taking her to her first job interview, as well as seeing all of my babies at the birthday party. It was great! I feel blessed.

I hope you all have a great week!

Smooches,

Aunt Kat

Some Days are A Win…

Some days are a win…. and some days, not so much.

Good Evening Sweeties!

I truly hope your days went better than mine… It’s funny how your attitude can have such an impact on things. It’s like, a situation could be exactly the same from one day to the next, yet on day way, you’re feeling confident and positive but on day two, you barely feel like you will make it. You dont want to get out of bed, don’t want to eat (or eat everything in sight), you want to cry, you want to scream  and it feels like nothing will ever be ok again. All you want to do is curl up in your ball of misery and stay there forever.  

But Darlings, you can’t stay there forever. You have plans. Remember them. You have dreams. Chase them. You have people who love you. Embrace them. Don’t allow yourself to be defeated by your own doubt. 

I give you one day. One day to wallow in self pity. That’s it. That’s all you get. That’s all I get. Then we have to get up, dust ourselves off and keep on keeping on. 

We got this.

XOXO,

Aunt Kat

Listen Here..

Take yourself off that pedestal sweet one and sit with me for a while
I’m going to say some things to you that most will disagree with
And you can take it or leave it
The choice is yours
But at least take a moment to think about it
Because I’ve been around a long time
And I’ve seen a thing or two
Now
Take yourself off that pedestal
I’m not saying you’re not special
Because you are
You are unique
Wonderful
Delightful and so many other great things by the grace of God
But
Stop treating yourself like rare treasure
Buried beneath the dark sea
Bound by steal chains
And guarded by sharks
Stop making it such a trial for people to get near you
Stop making it such a feat when someone gets you to open up that chest to see the trinkets that lie within.
Now hear me out
As I said before, you, without a doubt, are special
But when you view yourself as a secret
You’ll feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself with every person you tell yourself to
And you become hurt, sad and angry for “opening up” to someone “undeserving”
You feel like people are stealing pieces of you
Am I wrong??
I say, instead
Be free flowing
A breeze
Sometimes calm
Sometimes fierce
Coming and going as you please
Giving people the delight of your existence or the ferocity of it
Trust me
The more open you are
The less vulnerable you are
Now I’m not saying certain things shouldn’t be kept private, because they should
But you are not something that someone can earn
That’s how powerful you are
You are a force of nature
Be your most authentic self with every single person you meet
No hiding
Take control by relinquishing control
By letting go of that death grip of who can come in and who can’t
Be wild
Silly
Loud
Shy
Funny
Ridiculous
Crazy
Irrational
Hysterical
Sensible
Confident
Unpredictable
Every single thing that makes you in the moment
Stop nitpicking about what you can and cannot show for fear of being stolen away
You are the a breeze
Wind
The air
No one
And I mean no one
Can steal the air.

– Krazy Aunt Kat

You can check out more of my writing on Instagram @kaptures.by.k

Just Be Patient

She looked at me and said
Child, don’t worry
Men will always notice
the pretty girls first
No matter what
They’ll naturally be drawn to
The externally glamorous
Doesn’t matter what kind of
Man he is
Men are visual creatures
And men like pretty
But! She added with a smile
Eventually, they all start to
Realize how little value pretty
really has
Then they’ll start looking
For something, someone, with substance
Not that pretty can’t have substance too! She added quickly
Anyway, they’ll start to look for that
Internal beauty
That finesse
Intelligence
Humor
And there you’ll be
Because you are internally,
eternally magnificent
And all eyes will be on you
So just be patient ♡
– Krazy Aunt Kat

Ninety Days to New

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Hello Sweeties!

Spring semester start in 90 days! ( Yes I’m wearing that hoodie again from the previous university I attended) That’s 90 days to secure a new job….I REALLY hope I get something within the next two weeks. 90 days to decide if I should move closer to the university (Apartments are way cheaper over there). 90 days seems like a long time, but trust me, it’ll be Spring before we know it, and I’ll need to ready. Pray for me ya’ll.

Honestly, I’m seriously excited about going back to school! I love learning, and since I FINALLY have a clear idea of what I want to do, no more feeling lost, no more wasting money… Oh, money.. The route of all evil, Lol. I’ve applied for financial aid, but I don’t want to take out any more student loans. Student loans are the devil -_-. I’m still trying to pay off my previous ones. I gotta say, it’ll be quite an accomplishment to pay my way through school though. I can see me now, working by day, school by night (or vice versa), Hustling hard. Online classes would be ideal, except that getting internet service is out of the question. The last thing I need is another monthly bill. The struggle, as they say, is oh so real. But I got this.

“They plan, and God plans, and God is the Best Of Planners.”

Life is funny sometimes. So even though I have goals, and plans to achieve them, God may have another plan for me, or another route for me to get there. So I’ll keep doing what I have to do and take things as they come. Balance is key. Faith and action.

I had plans to spend my income tax refund to decorate me apartment. Yeah, well, now it looks like I’ll be spending it bills. But I ain’t mad though. I’m just grateful my bills will get paid. Decorating can wait.Or I’ll do it a little at a time. OOOOR, I’ll have a job by the time a get my check! A win, win, win 😀 We shall see shan’t we? A girl can dream right?

XOXO,

Aunt Kat

 

When Life Gives You Lemons..

They say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade… But what if I don’t have sugar, honey, agave nectar or some kind of sweetener? Better yet, what if I don’t have water by which to make said lemonade?…. Yes I’m being difficult. I know very well that the age-old saying means one should make the best/something good out of a wonky situation. And that’s what I do, all day, everyday. That being said, it’s not always easy. Continue reading “When Life Gives You Lemons..”

You’re Gonna Hear Me Roar

Truth is, my good lad

You can’t handle what I am

You weren’t bred for the likes of me

You require a docile house cat

Better yet

A lap dog

Who will be submissive

And lick your feet;

stroke your ego

Not this girl

No

Honey, I am a cunning vixen

A proud lioness

A she-wolf

I’m a wild beast of a thing

Untamed

With unbridled passion

So my dear boy

Stand back

And hear me roar